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Archive for the ‘Funny Story’ Category

Hot coffee definitely hurts

I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my 7-year-old granddaughter and I asked her, “What day is tomorrow?”

She said “It’s President’s Day!”
 
She is a smart kid. So, I asked “What does President’s Day mean?”
 
I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln etc.
 
She replied, “President’s Day is when President Obama steps out of the
White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of
unemployment.
 
You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose…
 

How do you get your exercise?

During sex you burn as much calories as you would running for 8 kilometers.

My question is, who the fuck runs 8 kilometers in 30 seconds?

Update your facebook another time!

It’s pretty sad that someone actually inspired a sign like this!

A Guy Walks Into A Bar….

A guy walks into a bar, orders a scotch and soda and puts a frog on the bar. The bartender gives him the drink and asks what the frog’s for?
The guy snaps his fingers and the frog jumps down and blows the man. The bartender is amazed, and asks to see that again.
So the guy a second time snaps his fingers, the frog jumps down, blows the man, and hops back on the bar. The bartender is astounded, he …offers the guy $3000 for the frog.
The man of course accepts, and gives the frog to the bartender.
The bartender, after his shift, goes home. he’s sitting in his kitchen, calls his wife over, says he has something to show her.
His wife walks in, the bartender takes the frog out of his pocket, puts it on the table, snaps his fingers, the frog jumps down, blows the bartender and hops back on the kitchen table.
The wife asks, “what the hell do u want me to do with that? To which he replies “teach it to cook and fuck off”.

Bottom of the 20th

When I was watching t.v. late at night yesterday, I happened to be flipping the channels at I saw the 10 o’clock news but it wasn’t the news that was on, it was a long overtime baseball game between the New York Mets and the St. Louis Cardinals. It was bottom of the 16th inning and I notice it was a tie game, 0 – 0.

It just so happened to catch my attention of watching a late overtime game and seeing that the game time was a whole 6 hours and a half before it ended. While I was watching the announcers had told us 3 things you could do in under 3 hours, fly from Miami to Seattle, cook a 12 – 18 lbs turkey, and watch the 6 last episodes of 24.

The game finally got a score in the 19th inning one for each team and then in the 20th, the Mets score again and win the game it was a long game, sort of like 3 games for the price of one!

Buy one, get one for free!

When I was out around the town today, I was quite hungry and wanted to have something to eat so I went in the drive-thru for Mcdonalds. I went up to the ordering machine and ordered 1 Oreo mcflurry and 1 hot fudge sundae, but my order didn’t show up on the screen so Iwas wondering if something was wrong with it since orders usually come up on the screen. And when I drove up to the pick up window, I got my Oreo mcflurry and they gave me an m & m mcflurry too. I asked about my hot fudge sundae and they noticed they forgot it, so they made me a hot fudge sundae and Igot to keep the m & m mcflurry for free!

The importance of studying!

At  Penn  State  University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an ‘A’ so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy…. then they turned the page. On the second page was written….

 

For 95 points: Which tire? ________

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